Fox News Fail

This just seen on Fox News: a preview for a program exploring the science behind Satan.

I'm not going to comment on that because I think it speaks volumes without my help, but I will note that I saw it during a commercial break from Sean Hannity's craptacular circle jerk that he calls a show. Today he blathered on at length about how omgwtf Janet Napolitano calls illegal immigrants "undocumented" and we're not allowed to call them illegals anymore damn liberals blahblahblah. Then he had a conversation with his friends about Tim Geithner, who he calls - and hang onto your shorts, because this is just super clever - Tax Cheat Geithner. Isn't that hilarious? It's only funny because Tax Cheat Geithner is the only American in the history of ever to accidentally fuck up his taxes.

I don't often go out of my way to watch Fox News because, aside from the obvious thing about Fox being a megaphone for the biggest pompous know-nothing conservative blowhards on the planet, I think their reporting pretty much sucks dead dogs. I usually like to watch MSNBC after work, but today I caught about five minutes of Glenn Beck in the middle of some convoluted metaphor that involved wrapping a dead fish in an issue of the New York Times. Because it's a fish wrapper! Get it? He slays me, he really does.

Anyway, what if every liberal on the planet dropped dead or ran off to establish a godless evolutionist gay communist abortion rainbow society on another planet? Fox would literally have nothing to talk about. Their entire evening lineup is a bunch of splotchy white guys who run the same top story every night, namely "Democrats do something to which I have not granted my express written approval and sprinkled with my special America glitter." Or, barring that, "Democrats do regular Democrat stuff and I am way surprised and appalled that they are Democrats. Also, I'm fair and balanced."

Don't give it away when you can get stuff for it!

I recently read Jessica Valenti's new book The Purity Myth, an entire volume that centers around the notion that female virginity is ultimately imaginary (as is male virginity, but this is a book for women). I agree. Right wing religious asshattery tries to sell society on the idea that sexual purity is preferable to having sex. This is why I don't accept relationship advice from right wing asshats.

Stuart Schneiderman, who is a douchebag, sees it differently. In fact, he urges women to use virginity to get a college education, a house in the suburbs and a luxury car. I'm not sure exactly how this transaction would proceed, but I doubt women can walk into a Porsche dealership and drive off the lot after telling the salesman that she has a hymen (this is crucial - if you don't have a hymen, you are clearly a dirty whore and deserve to die unloved).

He even has a word for it. Hymenomics. Isn't that charming? I thought so, too. But I wonder, does this mean that women who undergo hymenoplasty can be arrested for money laundering?